Well, where do I begin? I absolutely can not believe it has been 10 months since I saw you last. A lot has happened. I am sure you know all this, but I am having a night where I just want to let out some emotions, so I decided to write you a letter.
Momma is doing pretty good. I take good care of her. We spend a lot of time together. No more, really, than before you left, but it seems to be more quality time, just with her. I really think she and I have become closer. I hate that it didn't happen sooner. It's not really because you left, but just an appreciation of what you have after you lose someone so precious. I hope that makes sense. Momma is getting around pretty good. I really wish she could get around with no pain and walk without shortness of breath, but I am happy she seems to be doing better. She misses you dearly. I know she probably regrets not hugging and kissing you more, but she knows you know that you were her world. She is still mourning....I can tell. Just the smallest thing will make her cry. We have made it through some holidays ok. They were hard and you were really missed. I am 33 now. Can you believe that?
I am also taking good care of your babies. They so love me. I am their "gravy train"....my term for the fact that they know I am the one who feeds them. We gave Gigi and Sassy both super short haircuts earlier in the summer. Boy, did they feel good. I keep planning on giving them all baths, but it has rained for 2 weeks straight and I want the ground to dry before I bathe them, so they don't get nasty so quick. Oh, and we lost Spice, although I am sure she is sitting on your lap now, so she is happy. That Pepper became VERY attached to me. He is super affectionate now....he runs to me like a puppy when I get to Momma's. He still loves to play fetch and cuddle....like always.
It's almost fall. You know how I love Halloween, and we will be having the same get-together, trick or treat nite here. It should be fun....you know I love to entertain. You always used to say that. I am looking forward to it. It's on Saturday this year. Lexie picked out a "leopard girl" costume online this weekend, but you know she will change her mind before the day comes, so I don't know what she will end up being...other than cute as a button!
Speaking of Lexie, she talks about you ALL THE TIME. It amazes us how much she talks about you. She wasn't as outwardly upset as we all were, mostly because she didn't fully understand or she had such a simple view of what was happening...I really don't know. But, she talks about you and draws pictures about you all the time. She has told me many times she misses you. Oh, and she made Straight A's this first nine weeks....she's a smart one, for sure! But, again, I am sure you know and are bragging to your buddies about her up in heaven.
Daddy, I miss you so much it hurts. Hurts really bad. Some days feel normal and then I feel so guilty about how normal they feel, because they shouldn't feel normal without seeing you. I think about you daily, but some days I think about you much more. I dream about you more than anyone else, it seems....or at least I remember them much more than anyone else. I smell you from time to time. It's shocking sometimes, but really comforting, too. The smells are gone so fast, and I wish I could smell you more often. When I smell you, I know you are with me. I just know it. Scarlet and Rhett are doing good. Both a little chunky, but what's new. Rhett still eats "Pappy Treats" daily, and lets me know if I haven't given him any and he thinks I should have!
Oh, how I need a hug from my daddy today. It's not a special day...just missed you all weekend. I don't know what triggered it, but I have thought about you and wanted to talk to you all weekend. I want a hug. I want to talk to you on the phone....you know, my nightly call. I want to hear your voice. I want you back in person. I saw a man at Sonic today that didn't really look like you, but favored you in a way, in his manorisms. I kept staring at him. The way her looked at folks, the way he drank his drink. And even his casual smile when he caught me looking at him. It so reminded me of you. I wish I could have you back just for one day. I'd call in sick and wouldn't stop hugging you and talking to you. You'd be so sick of me....I am sure you would. I miss your sweet remarks to me. You always called me "beautiful" or "pretty girl". I miss being called pumpkin.
I hope you are happy, Daddy. I hope you are in the most beautiful place imaginable. I hope you are loving on all the sweet puppies and kitties up there...we all know all dogs (and cats) go to heaven! I hope you can enjoy all the sweets you want. It's hard to imagine where you are. Sometimes, I wonder if it is like I heard. That Heaven is just 4 feet above earth...like all around. So, you are within touching distance, but I just can't touch or see you. But you are with me every day, making sure I am safe. Keeping a close eye on me to make sure I am alright. Keep sending me smells, Daddy. I love em! I think I have heard sounds or signs, too. Keep em coming...whatever they are. I will try to stay open to hearing them and recognize them as you. Judy always says if there is anyone you will try to contact, it would be me, your "Pumpkin" and "Baby Girl."
Well, this letter hasn't been quite eloquent or even well written. At times, super sporatic. I am sure I will have forgotten to say some things, but this is all that flowed out of my tired little brain, so this is it. You are in my heart always and forever. You know how much I love you, so I will just close with....
Until I see (you in my dreams)/smell (your cologne)/or hug you again.
Love always and forever!
Pumpkin (Baby Girl)
